Simon & Garfunkel

I've been in my room for the past four hours or so, cleaning my room, doing my homework, planning gigs, and, most importantly, listening to random music on my ITunes. For some reason, on this particular night, listening to music has made me contemplate more deeply about my life. Not anything in particular, just...my life...but not what I've done specifically...I don't really know. I feel like I'm in a place where I can do whatever I want and no one will do anything about it. I feel like I'm in the mountains, and I can get away with anything. Deep, deep in the mountains, with no one around. I feel like taking a pen while half conscious and writing random letters that come to mind, while thinking about God knows what. I feel like I'm in that one place where no one can tell me to do anything other than to have complete peace with myself in any way possible. I am untouchable.

At the same time, I feel that something is eating away at me very slowly...like I did something in the past, and it's affecting me. But I didn't...it's weird. But I've had that feeling before...but...I feel so free at the same time. I feel like taking a giant van that never runs out of gas, picking up all of my closest friends, and driving up to the mountains, doing whatever we want in a log cabin by a river, for the rest of our lives. No school, no anything. I want to leave Raleigh and all civilization, and go to some uncharted land surrounded by woods and river where I can take complete care of myself with no real responsibilities, and my friends around all of the time. I want to go to the mountains with my pen and paper and half conscious mind, smiling at all those that look upon me, but in the end, going back to my mountain fortress with my friends, all writing random letters, drawing pictures, making sweet, beautiful marks on blank paper, just marks, half conscious, not thinking, but thinking, with our pens and paper. Falling asleep, but awake. Everything, but nothing. At the same time, completely independent. I want myself, and no one to catch me. No one to catch me.

I have my books

And my poetry to protect me;

I am shielded in my armor,

Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.

I touch no one and no one touches me.

I am a rock,

I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;

and an island never cries.

Simon and Garfunkel, I Am A Rock

-Genergizer