I'm playing gigs frequently, well, not real gigs really. I define a "gig" as playing somewhere without getting help from school. That's pretty much all I've been doing....I did play one gig at CamVilLib a few months ago, with some guys from Jazz class, without help from Mr Hunter. everything has died down. I don't have a facebook anymore because my mom made me delete it. Therefore I have no internet life anymore. Plus I'm grounded and can't go to the drumline sleepover tomorrow, which really sucks. My life actually kinda sucks right now......Marching Band season is pretty much over, and I have no idea if I'll be able to do it next year, due to my viola teacher saying that if I did, he would never teach or even TALK to me again. I'm thinking about just not telling him.......anyway, December should be kinda fun I guess, plus Thanksgiving is next week. School is dying down for the Holidays, which I guess is a good thing. Other than the fact that I'm grounded and have nothing to do anyway. If you can't tell, I'm really not happy about that. It seems that my family is kinda sorta sticking up for me about the facebook thing, more than my mom was telling me. You see.....
I was in the shower one night when my mom came to me and said "I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T HAVE A FACEBOOK". That pretty much killed my mood. I had been hiding my facebook account for months, and not feeling good about doing it, but I did need some sort of privacy from my mom. I don't feel good about hiding things from my mom, but sometimes it's very necessary. So she pretty much made me delete the account and grounded me. I have no idea how long I'm grounded, and no idea what I can and can't do, because she never bothered to tell me. She also saw that I was friends with pretty much all of my family on facebook, and freaked out about how they never told her. So, her being her, she emailed every last one of them, pretty much scolding them about how they should tell me when I'm doing something wrong. BACK to what I was saying.....
My mom told me that their responses were very apologetic and understanding, but I took a sneak peak when emailing my viola teacher and found that most of them were giving her advice about raising teenagers, and saying that I do need at least a bit of privacy. I was really surprised. I actually started crying. It was so great how they responded, just perfect. What really sucks is that she incriminated my dad specifically....he of course didn't respond, but I'm afraid that it will come up at Thanksgiving. It's starting to blow over with me and my mom, but I'm afraid that she's scarred the family. MY family, not hers....it's all kinda my fault, I suppose after being caught once I shouldn't have done it again. I....suck?
So after this little episode, I decided to carve a treble, alto, and bass clef into the tip of my pointer finger on my left hand. I'm becoming a little rebel, it's kinda scary.
But what's really funny is how quickly this is all blowing over with my mom. she didn't get nearly as mad at me as the first time I got caught with a facebook....I don't know. I'm personally ready to move out, as soon as I turn 18. I could take care of myself right now if it was legal. I need some freedom. BADLY. Freedom and space. I want to hang out with my friends without it being a big deal with my mom. She always thinks that everything I talk about has to do with money. Every time I bring something up, she asks how much it's going to cost. It's incredibly distressing. For some reason, I'm dreaming of the day that I get married and have kids. I want my own family, so I can raise my kids better than my mom raised me. I just want a little house decorated to like an artsy-indie-ish style, and to raise my kids with music from the time that they're born. I'll let them do what they want, and trust that they'll make good decisions. If you give a kid that kind of trust, they usually make good decisions, I have no idea why.
I hate my life right now......
Or maybe it's my LACK of life that I'm hating.
Yeah, that's it.
-Genergizer
